A letter to some friends (and the rest of humanity):
Some of you know parts of this story; some of you know most of it; some of you would probably want to know it. Instead of saying the same thing several times, or have it get corrupted through the grapevine, I'm sending it out to all of you once.
Yes, I know by evoking the film and play A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum I'm evoking humor even though I say in the subject line it's not that humorous. But to borrow and modify Socrates: "Life without humor is not worth living." I promise it has a happy (so far) ending.
So: Last Thursday I went to the doctor's office about pain in my left leg I'd been experiencing since that Sunday. It'd gotten progressive worse till by the time of the appointment I was in a lot of pain from simply walking. She sent me to an imaging center to have an ultrasound taken. There I was diagnosed as having a large blood clot. The doctor called in a prescription for blood thinners; I picked them up, and went home. Saturday, with the leg pain a little worse, I started experiencing mild chest pain. It was very mild, but I knew that that was a symptom that part of the clot had migrated to my lungs. I went to the ER where I was hospitalized and was put on a more aggressive blood-thinning regimen. They discharged me today. I'm relatively fine. Chest pain is gone and leg feels much better. I'll be on blood-thinners for possibly a year, maybe even longer since I have a history of blood clotting; I had a blood clot once before about ten years ago.
Blood clots are serious. They can kill. But they are also easily preventable. In the grand scheme of things having blood that likes to clot is NO BIG DEAL. There are vast numbers of people who suffer from afflictions--physical, mental, economic, social, political--much greater than the afflictions I have ever suffered. Thank you all for the well wishes you've given me--whether personally or in your hearts--but honestly, truly, wish wellness more for those far less fortunate than I.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
The Scarlet "A"
In Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, Hester Prynne commits adultery and is forced to live in shame in the outskirts of puritanical Boston. As part of her punishment she must wear a scarlet "A" on her chest at all times to remind everyone that she committed adultery. Eventually she becomes a somewhat respectable seamstress as time goes on, while her husband and lover die from their unpunished sins of jealousy and adultery, respectively. It is a morality tale, to be sure, and a Christian one at that, meant to showcase the principles of forgiveness and forbearance. But who is this God who is meant to forgive? Does he even exist?
Most probably not. And if he does, I don't want to worship him. For he is a jealous god, he even says so in the bible. A god who would condemn me simply for not worshipping him is not a good god. He shares much with Hester Prynne's husband. And adultery? Yes, he will forgive as long as you believe and worship him. He puts that above rape and murder and an uncounted number of other heinous things people commit against each other. He's like a little kid that wants you to swear to be his bestest friend in the whole world, or else... God is, in short, a major prick who doesn't even exist.
Yet, over two billion people believe in him? Why? Can so many people suffer from, as Richard Dawkins calls it, The God Delusion? Some, certainly yes. But I believe many do it out of habit and community. One thing religious groups have that non-religious groups don't have is a sense of community. Churches are great places to meet people and hang out. In fact, I heard recently that according to a study, community is the number one reason people go to church.
Where are atheists supposed to hang out? I firmly believe that we're a greater part of the population than most think. Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but I don't want to believe that in the 21st century most people on Earth passionately believe in some magical fairy(ies), 'cause that's all god(s) are. But again, religions have community. I know atheists are notoriously resistant to organizing. Some fear that some sort of atheistic religion may develop. Others feel that religion (or lack thereof) is not part of their lives, so just let them be. Well, for the latter group, especially in the United States, religious fundamentalists are making it very much a part of our lives. For the former, you're just going to have to be wary of that sort of thing; theoretically you have a greater chance of avoiding blind faith dogma than the religious zealot. There is a third group I'll get to a little later.
The religious right are a vocal group and a voting constituency. And I suspect they drag much of the moderate Christians, the holiday Christians, and the community Christians along with them. Those people who haven't really thought about The God Question but call themselves Christian or religious stand at the voting booth and vote for the fundie Republican because they think they agree with that candidate. But chances are, if those Christians get their way, America will resemble the puritan Boston of Hawthorne's novel much more closely than a moderate Christian would care to want. Perhaps in this hypothetical Dystopia, the scarlet "A" will stand for "Atheist."
Except, the atheists have already beaten them to the punch. The Out Campaign--inspired by the gay community--encourages atheists to "out" themselves. One way to out yourself is to put a scarlet "A" on your website like the one at the top of this page. It's unobtrusive. It's an identifying mark to those who know what it means. To those who don't know what it means, they'll either not care, or perhaps they'll look it up and maybe learn something. And best of all, it's ironic.
Above, I did not include one group of atheists who don't organize: the "closeted" atheists, those who fear losing their job or social/family repercussions if they come out as an atheist. That's why I think those who are able to say they are atheists should do so unambiguously, unequivocally. We need to show the world we are not some tiny minority. We need to change society so that those that fear loss of their lifestyle will someday no longer fear.
Though I strongly disagree with the religiosity of Hawthorne's novel, I agree with a lot of its themes. One is that it's no fun living a lie. Hester Prynne's lover, who confesses only as he's dying, knows that all too well. Whether someone is gay, atheist, or something else outside the social mainstream but engages in harmless activity, that person closeted also knows all too well the pain of living a lie. We need to show our numbers. But most of all, we need to be more understanding, more open, more kind to each other.
Most probably not. And if he does, I don't want to worship him. For he is a jealous god, he even says so in the bible. A god who would condemn me simply for not worshipping him is not a good god. He shares much with Hester Prynne's husband. And adultery? Yes, he will forgive as long as you believe and worship him. He puts that above rape and murder and an uncounted number of other heinous things people commit against each other. He's like a little kid that wants you to swear to be his bestest friend in the whole world, or else... God is, in short, a major prick who doesn't even exist.
Yet, over two billion people believe in him? Why? Can so many people suffer from, as Richard Dawkins calls it, The God Delusion? Some, certainly yes. But I believe many do it out of habit and community. One thing religious groups have that non-religious groups don't have is a sense of community. Churches are great places to meet people and hang out. In fact, I heard recently that according to a study, community is the number one reason people go to church.
Where are atheists supposed to hang out? I firmly believe that we're a greater part of the population than most think. Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but I don't want to believe that in the 21st century most people on Earth passionately believe in some magical fairy(ies), 'cause that's all god(s) are. But again, religions have community. I know atheists are notoriously resistant to organizing. Some fear that some sort of atheistic religion may develop. Others feel that religion (or lack thereof) is not part of their lives, so just let them be. Well, for the latter group, especially in the United States, religious fundamentalists are making it very much a part of our lives. For the former, you're just going to have to be wary of that sort of thing; theoretically you have a greater chance of avoiding blind faith dogma than the religious zealot. There is a third group I'll get to a little later.
The religious right are a vocal group and a voting constituency. And I suspect they drag much of the moderate Christians, the holiday Christians, and the community Christians along with them. Those people who haven't really thought about The God Question but call themselves Christian or religious stand at the voting booth and vote for the fundie Republican because they think they agree with that candidate. But chances are, if those Christians get their way, America will resemble the puritan Boston of Hawthorne's novel much more closely than a moderate Christian would care to want. Perhaps in this hypothetical Dystopia, the scarlet "A" will stand for "Atheist."
Except, the atheists have already beaten them to the punch. The Out Campaign--inspired by the gay community--encourages atheists to "out" themselves. One way to out yourself is to put a scarlet "A" on your website like the one at the top of this page. It's unobtrusive. It's an identifying mark to those who know what it means. To those who don't know what it means, they'll either not care, or perhaps they'll look it up and maybe learn something. And best of all, it's ironic.
Above, I did not include one group of atheists who don't organize: the "closeted" atheists, those who fear losing their job or social/family repercussions if they come out as an atheist. That's why I think those who are able to say they are atheists should do so unambiguously, unequivocally. We need to show the world we are not some tiny minority. We need to change society so that those that fear loss of their lifestyle will someday no longer fear.
Though I strongly disagree with the religiosity of Hawthorne's novel, I agree with a lot of its themes. One is that it's no fun living a lie. Hester Prynne's lover, who confesses only as he's dying, knows that all too well. Whether someone is gay, atheist, or something else outside the social mainstream but engages in harmless activity, that person closeted also knows all too well the pain of living a lie. We need to show our numbers. But most of all, we need to be more understanding, more open, more kind to each other.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
NaNoWriMo is for the Birds
In an earlier post I implied that someday I would decry our culture's obsession with "less is more." Specifically, I implied that the 140 character streams in Twitter was not enough info. This is not that essay. Though I still feel that way for a lot of things, Twitter (and small packages in general) do have their uses.
A few days ago I finished a novel. I wrote in about a month. It was for a challenge called National Novel Writing Mouth (NaNoWriMo for short), held annually in the month of November. Sounds like an impossible challenge, until you consider two things: 1) If you break it down to a daily amount, it's not that many words (1,667) and 2) It's a short novel (50,000 words). In an industry that considers 80,000 to be the lower limit, 50K sounds too short. And many continue their novels into December to beef it up into publishable range. But not I; I went 2,068 words over the 50K finish line and I reached the story's natural end. And I'm not going to beef it up. Why? Because I know of a publisher that'd be willing to see it as a 50K novel. So there's at least one, and probably more, willing to accept short novel submissions. And I think, indirectly, that Twitter has something to do with that.
This publisher is mostly an epublisher. Their clientele is comfortable reading their books on a screen instead of on a page. And many are comfortable with Twitter. They get their information in bits and flashes; they don't want to waste their time on that chapter about belly lint as metaphor for oppressive capitalism. And while this cultural ADHD has its problems (that alluded to future essay), it also boils everything down to just the essentials. There's something to be said about crystallizing communication down to the basics--a sort of right speech principle. Then, after we're done reading the short novel, we can go about doing something else in this short life. I think the Internet and sites like Twitter are helping lead the way. I don't think it'll be a bad thing in the future to see less 200K monsters out there and more 50K lean novels.
Below is a list of Tweets related to writing my novel. I didn't update my word count everyday (the days I didn't will be obvious). It was an interesting experience to give short, pertinent, themed, updates; the information Twitter is good for (not telling the world what you had for breakfast). So, in reverse order from newest to oldest, are the tweets:
A few days ago I finished a novel. I wrote in about a month. It was for a challenge called National Novel Writing Mouth (NaNoWriMo for short), held annually in the month of November. Sounds like an impossible challenge, until you consider two things: 1) If you break it down to a daily amount, it's not that many words (1,667) and 2) It's a short novel (50,000 words). In an industry that considers 80,000 to be the lower limit, 50K sounds too short. And many continue their novels into December to beef it up into publishable range. But not I; I went 2,068 words over the 50K finish line and I reached the story's natural end. And I'm not going to beef it up. Why? Because I know of a publisher that'd be willing to see it as a 50K novel. So there's at least one, and probably more, willing to accept short novel submissions. And I think, indirectly, that Twitter has something to do with that.
This publisher is mostly an epublisher. Their clientele is comfortable reading their books on a screen instead of on a page. And many are comfortable with Twitter. They get their information in bits and flashes; they don't want to waste their time on that chapter about belly lint as metaphor for oppressive capitalism. And while this cultural ADHD has its problems (that alluded to future essay), it also boils everything down to just the essentials. There's something to be said about crystallizing communication down to the basics--a sort of right speech principle. Then, after we're done reading the short novel, we can go about doing something else in this short life. I think the Internet and sites like Twitter are helping lead the way. I don't think it'll be a bad thing in the future to see less 200K monsters out there and more 50K lean novels.
Below is a list of Tweets related to writing my novel. I didn't update my word count everyday (the days I didn't will be obvious). It was an interesting experience to give short, pertinent, themed, updates; the information Twitter is good for (not telling the world what you had for breakfast). So, in reverse order from newest to oldest, are the tweets:
246 pages. 52068 words. 1st draft of novel is DONE!!!! Now to editor, where he'll hate it. Or maybe he'll say,"Sean, I'm so stoked for you."
2 Dec
I won! (Though I'm not done w/ novel) Winning word count: 50035. I think another 1 or 2K and it'll be finished. To bed now. #nanowrimo#nano
30 Nov
48161 words for day 29. I'm at a 24 hour coffee shop/bookstore till I get to 50k. #nanowrimo #nano
30 Nov
2 days to go. I think I settled on a title. I might try to do a final word push tomorrow to finish it. D28. 46678 words. #nanowrimo #nano
29 Nov
2 scenes (I think) away from the end! And I'm all caught up. Day 27. 45303 words. #nanowrimo #nano
28 Nov
My story's officially a novel by sfwa standards (40K+ words) woohoo! Tomorrow I do a 26 hour write-in. D26, 41115 words#nanowrimo #nano
27 Nov
Too full of turkey to get to 40K today, but just barely. 2 days till another overnight write-in. Day 25. 39703 words. #nanowrimo #nano
26 Nov
Got my 1667 word count in. Good considering I had story to critique. Hopefully be @ 40K by end of Turkey Day. D24, 37673 wrds.#nanowrimo
25 Nov
Spent the day w/ Boulder Wrimos @ Atlas & Dark Horse. 2600 words written. Thanks @nicolejleboeuf 4 organizing. D23, 36013 wrds. #nanowrimo
24 Nov
The Denver Broncos suck again, which is good 'cause I had more time to write. Day 22. 33415 words. #DenverBroncos #nanowrimo#nano
23 Nov
24 hour write-in a success!Wrote about 7000 words.Think next time I'll get a bed instead of sleeping on hardwood.D21, 32031 words.#nanowrimo
21 Nov
4888 words today. Most productive day so far, by far. Hope I can continue the steam tomorrow. Day 20. 30017 total words.#nanowrimo #nano
20 Nov
Today I battled dragons, so didn't have any time to write. Interesting factoids about dragons: they metabolize platinum (hence their love of precious metals). Actually, they use it to catalyze the reaction that produces fire. And they use their hydrogen bladders as both a fuel source and to help them fly. So a good strategy--if you are a dragon slayer--is to piss a dragon off so much that she'll burn up all her (male dragons are flightless and cannot breath fire, and usually get roasted to death when they mate) hydrogen and thus cannot easily fly on her puny wings. Then it's just a matter of walking up and shooting her with a dragon pistol. Of course, the trick is not to get any casualties while doing all this. #entirely,totally,absolutely100%without-a-doubtdon'tevenneedtoaskyourgrandmotheroryourgrandfatheroryourfatherormotheroranybrothersandsistersorcousinfrankwhojoinedtheteapartybecausehethoughthe'dhaveawesomegaysex,nanowrimoupdate
20 Nov (Or something like that)
Zero more words today. But I did get 2nd place in a spelling bee. Can you spell "procrastination?" Day 18. 25129 words. #nanowrimo
19 Nov
Very unproductive day. 97 more words. Yes, you read that correctly. day 17. 25129 words total. #nanowrimo
18 Nov
1/2-way done! Sure I'm a day late, but I'm looking at at 24 hour write-in this weekend, so it's all good. Day 16. 25032 words.#nanowrimo
17 Nov
Day 15. 21382 words. But not done for the night. The Muse is up and the Sandman's nowhere is sight. #nanowrimo
16 Nov
Nighty-night Twitterverse. Now have written over 100 pages. 21382 words. Day 14. #nanowrimo
15 Nov
Casting for my novel: Simon Baker, Lady Gaga, and Samuel L. Jackson. Day 13. 19529 words. #nanowrimo
13 Nov
Gotta stop going to write-ins where every1's talking. Like going to a meditation session where every1's talking.Day 12.16721 wrds#nanowrimo
12 Nov
Minor character meant to be a red herring & comic relief has turned out to be quite important. Day 11. 16054 words #nanowrimo
12 Nov
Still behind on 10th day. Tomorrow weather's supposed to be bad, so play catch up, I hope. 14358 words. #nanowrimo
11 Nov
I must've gotten abducted by aliens on November 10. No Twitter updates. Nothing. I think it must be aliens. I think I wrote that day but I just didn't tweet about it. The alien anal probe must've been too irritating for me to concentrate on Tweeter updates. Or maybe I had a conversation with God that day. Or Zeus. Or Harry Potter. Something magical, not rational, 'cause, really, any unexplained phenomena must have a magical origin. Otherwise, why would you need God? #philosophicalranttoolongtofitinatweet
10 Nov
Not very productive day. Began to weave a neglected subplot thru-out the story. 8th day. 12040 total words. #nanowrimo
9 Nov
My characters are doing some weird shit. I'll figure them out, I hope. 7th day. 11674 words. #nanowrimo
7 Nov
Zero, zilch, nada, naught, nihil, null, non, nothing, empty set, less than 1 more words today.But not behind.woohoo!Still @ 10046#nanowrimo
6 Nov
Saw no ghosts (or Stephen King characters) @ Stanley Hotel write-in. Very productive 5th day. One day ahead now. 10046 words#nanowrimo
5 Nov
Nighty-night for fourth day. Tomorrow I write in the Stanley Hotel. All work and no play makes... 7174 words. #nanowrimo
5 Nov
Not as productive 3rd day. But hit my target almost on bullseye. 5001 words. #nanowrimo
3 Nov
Fiction better than reality. 3874 words. #election2010 #nanowrimo
2 Nov
1926 words. Done for 1st day. #nanowrimo
1 Nov
I'm nanowrimoing! #nanowrimo
1 Nov
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