Oh My God! We're All Gonna Die!

On a nightly basis, you turn to the news, and the above is pretty much the headline you get. Okay, maybe it's a little bit of an exaggeration. But not by much. Currently the headline might be: "Oh My God! We're All Gonna Be Broke!" Congress is trying to pass a debt ceiling increase. And the talking heads in the news asure us that if they don't raise the debt ceiling, the U.S. will default on its financial obligations, the markets will collapse, government employees won't get paid, and, since the world will lose faith in the U.S. dollar, we will all by extension become poor. I suspect that instead, what will happen is that something will pass in Congress, get signed by the President, and within less than a month we will have all forgotten that we supposedly came so close to the precipice of economic catastrophe. By then, however, there will be another Crisis that will make us feel that Oh My God! We're All Gonna Die!

The United States is a country with a free press and a capitalistic mind-set. Our free press pays its bills by becoming for-profit institutions. Perhaps rightly so, no one wants to watch a news reader dryly recite the day's news in a monotone voice. Well, I guess NPR can get away with it (and I suspect the reason they can is because they provide an "alternative" to the bombastic bloviation the others provide). But most of the other news sources ramp up their stories to Crisis levels. "If it bleeds, it leads," goes the old saying. Such is the competitive nature of the 24-hour news cycle (actually, it's probably more like 12-16 hours, with the rebroadcasting of previously aired programming). If the news producer can instill enough anxiety in their viewers so that they'll stick to the news to see What Happens Next, then that producer has another tick in the Nielsen Ratings and more advertising dollars coming in. Those viewers can always DVR that episode of Dancing With the Stars anyway.

Such instillation of a Crisis or Conflict is common in fiction. In fact, many would argue that fiction MUST have a central conflict in order to even be called a story. Whatever the case, conflict is one of the main engines that make a story a page-turner/clicker. "I must find out What Happens Next." Turn the page. "Oh My God! The Character's Gonna Die!" Click the page turning button. "Whew! I didn't think she'd defeat the alien overlord and save the galaxy till the end." Buy the next book by that thrilling science fiction author.

I often wonder how close the news is to actual reality. News and fiction, sadly, have much in common.

lie vs. lay

I'm going to try something a little different with this post. Most of my blog entries have something to do with personal life stories, or philosophical musings, or rants. Or writing. Being a writer definitely plays a role in many of my posts. And while many of them touch on the craft of writing, none of them deals with nuts-and-bolts grammar. Now that has changed. I present to you the first class in the Sean Eret Grammar School. I promise to make it as painless as possible.

The first lesson deals with the difference between the verbs "lie" and "lay." Before I go further, if you know their is a difference between the two, and know what that difference is, and still get the two mixed up (as I do), I've included a handy chart for reference at the bottom of the post. For those who didn't know there was a difference and/or want help with what that difference is, or have a fetish for grammar lessons, then continue reading.

First off, when I talk about "lie," I'm not talking about the definition: to tell a falsehood. No one ever says, "The politician lays about his record." Just doesn't happen. (If it does, maybe you should brush up on your basic English).

Present Tense
So yeah, the real definition of "lie" that's confusing means "to recline." And in the present tense, it's not that hard: "The politician lies on the bed." It is NOT: "The politician lays on the bed." One way you can tell the difference is to know that "lie" is an intransitive verb whereas "lay" is a transitive verb. Basically what that means is that a transitive verb takes a direct object and an intransitive verb does not.

So if you absolutely insist the politician do some laying, then the proper sentence would be: "The politician lays himself on the bed." Or, more interestingly: "The politician lays his campaign organizer on the bed." In the first, "himself" is the direct object. In the second, "his campaign organizer" is the direct object. The first is archaic; no one talks like that anymore. The second, well, just tune to the nightly news for examples.

Another way you can tell the difference between "lie" and "lay" is by replacing the verbs with synonyms. As I mentioned above, "lie" means "to recline." And "lay" means "to place." So, in the original example, "The politician reclines on the bed," makes sense; "The politician places on the bed," does not. Now do the same substitutions with the other examples on your own. I expect you to turn it in to me on the following day after you read this post.

Present Participle
I soppose since I including them in the cart below, I should say something about present participles. Basically, they are verbs with "ing" tacked on. (There are also gerunds, which are the love children between verbs and nouns, but that's for another lesson.) "Lie" is a bit odd, I guess maybe because "lieing" looks like a menage a trois of vowels. So instead it's "lying." I suppose you want examples. Fine. "Lying on the bed, the politician kicked off his wingtips." "Laying his campaign organizer on the bed, the politician unbuttoned her blouse." I know where your mind's going; remember, they're just examples, just words on the screen, their verb forms the only thing that matters.

Past Tense
Now for the fun part, the part that causes the confusion in the first place. Why? Because the past tense of "lie" is "lay." Can I get a big "WTF?!" from my readers? It still confuses me, and I suspect may always confuse me. So the other verb--the one whose present tense is "lay"--that verb's past tense is "laid." A little less troubling. So, examples (with names this time): "Jack Bonner lay on the bed." And: "Jack Bonner laid his campaign organizer Anna Colt on the bed." Remember the two ways you can tell the verbs' difference:

1) "Lie/Lay" is intransitive (doesn't take a direct object).
"Lay/Laid" is transitive (does take a direct object).

2) "Lie/Lay" means "to recline."
"Lay/Laid" means "to place."

Past Participle
The past participle isn't used much in English (mostly the present participle is used), but for completeness, here it is. The past participle of "lie/lay" is "laid" and the past participle for "lay/laid" is "laid." Examples: "Having lain on the bed, Jack Bonner kicks off his wingtips." "Having laid his campaign organizer Anna Colt on the bed, Jack Bonner unbuttoned her blouse."


So, confused? Probably. I am. Now that I unpacked the chart above, I leave you with it below. By all means, use it, copy it, distribute it throughout the interwebs. Or not. But whatever the case, good luck! With "lie" and "lay," you're going to need it!

The Toolbox Tribe

When I broke my ankle in the beginning of June, I didn't shed a tear. There was a lot of gritting of teeth and groaning, but I never even got misty-eyed from the intense pain. But when I watch a movie or show with anything resembling sentimentality, I tear up. Emotional pain, it seems, triggers the water faucet, even if it is the contrived Hollywood variety.

The water faucet began to flow when I watched Casablanca (for the first time) at Taos Toolbox a couple weekends ago. For that, I was able to control it, think about something else. That's what I usually do when I'm in a crowd: just don't think about the plot! Only when I'm alone do I usually feel safe to let the tears flow freely.

It was the last night of Taos Toolbox, we'd all be parting in the morning. And there I was, in my wheelchair, getting misty-eyed. In the two weeks that our world lines came together, we shared more than a passion for writing and a yearning to further our craft, more than an isolated classroom where we worked our asses off. We became a tribe, a clan, a family who have not strings of DNA in common, but a gestalt to become better writers. Some of our world lines will merge in the future; some, frankly, their world lines will go in a different direction. Whatever the case, the experience has changed us, as any experience does. In each of us, there is a little bit of all the others. The DNA of The Taos Toolbox Tribe. I thank everyone who participated, has participated, and will participate. I am a proud member of The Tribe.

Taos Toolbox--Week 2

It's the second week in the Taos Ski Valley and my life has turned to one of eating, sleeping, going to class, wracking my brain for story ideas, and critiquing, and critiquing, and critiquing... Did I mention I critique a lot? This is a good thing. Walter and Nancy have definitely kept me busy. And my fellow toolboxers have kept the bar high. With so many (apparently) hard workers, I feel somewhat guilty I'm blogging. However, with someone strumming on his ukulele and singing as I write this, I don't feel too guilty. I suspect others have had and are having break-time adventures. I suppose I could ask them what they do on the their down time. But I am shy. And it's funner (more fun?) to invent something. Consider: Taos Toolbox: A Seedy and Exotic Writing Adventure.

It's not all work and no play, however. I went to Taos Pueblo yesterday, which seemed a lot like Taos, except the Native Americans were the proprietors of the tourist shops. I watched Casablanca for the first time and Walter stopped it at appropriate times for analysis. I also watched Memento, a favorite of mine, made back when Chris Nolan was not making blockbusters. Then I hit the rye whiskey a little hard one night. Ah, alcohol at altitude... Maybe one of these remaining days I will have a seedy and exotic writing adventure. What happens at Taos Toolbox...

I'm having tons of fun and learning so much. Who knows? Maybe my next sale will be a New York Times Bestseller. With the way print media is going (Borders Books declared it was going under today), I'll be more likely to get on the Kindle Bestseller List. And Paris the Ankle Fracture has become more an annoyance rather than a pain.

Till the next blog post...

Taos Toolbox--Day 3

So. I'm at Taos Toolbox, the master class for writer's run by authors Walter Jon Williams and Nancy Kress. Originally I'd thought about blogging about this every day, but the wifi connection is fairly sketchy. Plus, with three manuscripts to critique per day, a new piece of fiction to write before next week, and whatever other assignments Walter or Nancy decide to throw my way, blogging has moved to the back-burner. Not that I'm complaining; I need to get a lot more disciplined in my writing habits anyway. Hopefully this workshop will help.

Anyway, to tell a little about the workshop: Walter and Nancy are very friendly and gracious, especially since I have a broken ankle. Luckily, because I arrived fairly early, I had a choice of living arrangements and I think I chose the best one to accomodate Paris (the name I gave my broken ankle). As far a Walter and Nancy's writing styles, they often approach their craft very differently. It's good to get a different perspective from each. As far as the other students, they range from professionally published authors and editors to people whose fiction could use a little more work. On a good day I consider myself somewhere in the middle. On a bad day...well, let's just say that writers don't always have the best self esteem. As far as the Taos Ski Valley itself, it is beautiful. And though the rest of New Mexico may be in a drought, it's rained here every day I'd been here.

I'm glad I was able to make it; I just wish it was sans Paris. And everyone has been helpful. Perhaps I'll blog again during Taos, but that depends on the workload and the wifi.